How I didn't set anything on fire.

Despite all my attempts to completely ignore the reason I created this blog, I actually crossed something off my list! I learned to weld, thanks to the patient instruction of Mr. Ray Vlcek.

For those of you who have not yet done this, let me tell you the most important thing.

It makes you feel like a goddamn bad ass.

Getting hit repeatedly in the teeth with the welding mask is, at best, an acquired taste, but suiting up and getting ready to JOIN TWO PIECES OF STEEL is pretty rad. Standing there with the welder, the sparks, and the satisfying "bbbzzzzzzt...bzzzzzzzzzzzzttt" sound was an excellent way to spend an afternoon during Porgy previews. AND! I didn't set myself or anyone else on fire (accidentally or on purpose). Double bonus.

There I was, all psyched from my welding time, when I set about assembling a new chair for the greenroom in the lobby of the theatre while rehearsal was happening. Never in my life have so many male actors tried to tell me how to do something. Perhaps I'm spoiled at Court in that most of the people there have a healthy automatic respect for the assumed talents of the people that work there.

That was not the case in this instance. You would have thought I was assembling a car engine, or disarming a nuclear bomb. Those fellas, bless their hearts, were convinced that I was going to do it completely wrong. I'm all for helpful suggestion, and did genuinely need a second pair of hands to keep the whole operation going, but IT'S A CHAIR. A CHAIR! I just avoided setting the scene shop on fire with tools far more sophisticated than these oddly sized hex keys! I can do it!

I wish there was some kind of amazing hilarious turn where I set the chair on fire. I didn't. I assembled the chair after gently swatting my "helpers" away. It took me proving that I knew how to use my Gerber (think Swiss army knife) and a screwdriver at the same time. High. Tech.

There was, in an earlier draft of this post, a scene between the Gerber and the Hex keys. They all had accents. But, it didn't make any sense. I'll let you imagine that instead. The Gerber was southern and the Hex keys were German (because I couldn't sort out how to write a Swiss accent). By the end, victory was mine, and the chair was completed.

In real life, too, the chair is done! And, when people sit in it, the whole thing DOES NOT collapse. Yet....